Nina’s 9: Heart and Humor, The beat goes on with Lenny Clarke

By Nina Livingstone

Photos courtesy of Lenny Clarke

Comedian Lenny Clarke had been doing back-to-back shows for four straight days on the East Coast. He had flown from L.A. to Boston after filming “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” He was exhausted. But he still answered the phone. I didn’t need to ask, “Is this Lenny?”

Every comedian seems to have a trademark style – mannerisms, material. With Lenny, it’s his voice that leads the way. Each word is weighted with a heavy Boston accent, his raspy delivery reflecting a 45-year career in nightclubs and onstage.

Lenny can even make getting killed by Michael Myers sound fun. He let Jimmy Kimmel deliver the spoiler for “Halloween Kills,” starring Jamie Lee Curtis. “You get killed in this movie.” Kimmel says. “Yes, everyone gets killed in this movie!!” says Lenny. “I’ve never had so much fun getting killed in my life!”

Between the laughs, Lenny shares his personal trail to triumph, marking the way with getting sober, major weight loss, his love of family, his fall to the bottom, his rise to the top.

NINA: What should we know about you before meeting you?

LENNY: I want you to accept me for what I am not who I am. My mother always stressed in me, she said, “Leonard, it’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.” I try to treat everybody kindly, respectfully. I’m a happy guy, I want to make you happy. I don’t want to upset you I don’t want to offend you. When you meet me, I want you to say, “Wow, you know, he’s a pretty nice guy.”

I do what I do because I couldn’t hold a real fucking job. Believe me, if I could have been an electrician or something like that I would have, but I sucked at everything. So what I do is, I talk, and people seem to laugh, you know. I don’t think I’m funnier than anybody, but I can tell you this, in the short time we’ve known each other, I am fucking insane, and I don’t care.

NINA: Describe yourself [with more on Lenny’s accent].

LENNY: I’m 6-foot-2, great head of hair, terrific smile, and an amazing hugger. I’ll give you the best hug you’ve ever had. I am very approachable. I shake hands or take pictures with anyone who ever wants them. I am not a diva. When people work with me, I am the lowest maintenance person that they probably ever dealt with.

My accent is so strong that when I went to L.A. 35 years ago, I actually needed an interpreter to explain to the people in the studios what I was saying. I read for the TV show “Cheers,” and they said, “You are without a doubt the funniest guy we’ve ever had come into the studio.” I go “Well, I got the job.” They go, “No, you will never be on the show because your accent is so strong people won’t understand what you’re saying!” I said, “Wait a minute, the show takes place in Boston this is what Boston people sound like!” I met every single person in the cast of “Cheers.” Ted Danson, Rhea Perlman, oh what a hot shit she is. Woody Harrelson, John Ratzenberger, George Wendt.

I would audition for movies, and they would say to me, “If you can lose the accent, you have the pot [aka “part” without the Boston accent].

[Editor’s Note: When I asked Lenny to repeat what he had just said, he slowed his speech so I could better understand him]. They said, “If you can lose your Boston accent the pod [part] is yours. You can have it; you are in the movie.” And I would get up and I’d start walking to the door and they say, “Where are you going?” And I say, “I can’t lose the accent, this is how I fucking sound!”

They’ve had me [work] with dialect coaches and the dialect coaches would go, “I’ve never dealt with anything like this in my life. He’s got us talking like him!”

Even if I wasn’t funny and I never considered myself funny, I consider myself insane, but we use that, under the guise of humor and I made a great career out it. But when you hear my voice, people go “That’s Lenny Clarke!” No matter where you are!

I was 388 pounds. I lost 200 pounds, got  down to 188 pounds and no one even recognized me, but the minute I opened my mouth, it was, “Oh my God, Lenny Clarke!”

NINA: What have you been up to lately?

LENNY: The “Jimmy Kimmel” show. It was so amazing. Jimmy and I have such a chemistry together. He doesn’t talk to me before the show. He doesn’t see me until I come out and he introduces me and “bam” we just go. It was such a good show that he reran it the following week.

I really plan to end this year strong. Between the “Kimmel show and then being in the No. 1 movie, “Halloween Kills,” — even if it’s just been [No. 1 for] a week, who gives a shit! (My murder scene it is quite graphic, it’s disturbing. If I ever die, I don’t want to go out like that!) I used to go to movies, but I’d never think, “Oh, I wish I could be in a movie.” I just loved watching them and now I’ve done over 30 major motion pictures.

NINA: Since your career began, can you share a favorite story?

LENNY: When the Boston [Marathon] bombing happened, [concert promoter] Don Law got together the best rock bands that ever came out of Boston and a couple of great comedians. I was not invited to do the “Boston Strong” show, and I was kind of heartbroken because you know this is my town and I’m so proud of it. So I called Steven Tyler and I said, “Steve, I’m not on the show.” And he goes, “What, are you crazy? I’ll call Don Law right now.” So he called Don Law, who I love and respect and admire, and Don called me and said, “Lenny, I am terribly sorry it’s been an oversight. We would love you to do the show.”  So I had to write an act.

In high school, I went out with the aunt of one of the girls who died [in the bombing]. So I went to their house, and I ran the set by them, to see if it was, OK. Once I got the OK from the family, I knew I could do this. I could either be the biggest star of the night or the most hated man in Boston.

It was, without a doubt, the most exciting experience of my life because it’s at the Boston Garden. [We]  got a standing ovation in front of like 16,000 people. I was so thrilled with it because the family was present, the cops appreciated it — everyone involved with the bombing, the first responders.

NINA: What do you like most about yourself?

LENNY: I have a good heart and I don’t mean that physically because I had a lot of heart problems. I would rather be your friend than your enemy. And I make an incredible friend, but I make a fuck of an enemy, you know what I mean? I was brought up very well by loving parents who taught me to treat everyone the same, treat everyone nice.

I have a huge family! We’re very tight knit. My parents didn’t have a TV, so if they weren’t having sex, they were cooking. It’s a big, big loving family. I  have two older sisters — Bernice, Rosemary — then me, then Debbie, Peter, Mike, Ellie, and Mark, and they’re all funny. As a matter of fact, in my family I am probably maybe the third funniest. My mom was funny, incredibly dry funny, you know. My dad was not funny at all. My dad worked himself to death, but my dad was my hero. All I wanted was his approval.

I have so much love and admiration and respect for both of my parents, and I can honestly say, if I could have one more minute with either of them, I’d trade everything in the world. There was no unfinished business; they knew I loved them, and I knew they loved me. For the last 20 years my mother was alive, I spoiled her rotten. My mother … she never asked for anything, I gave it to her because I wanted to.

NINA: What is your go-to place to relax?

LENNY: My home on the Vineyard is really a go-to place to relax. I am around people constantly. Working in nightclubs every night, a lot of charity events, surrounded by people. So when I am home, it’s the one time, I actually get to spend time with myself.

NINA: What is the one thing you can’t live without?

LENNY: Sleep. I love it. As I get older now, I can’t sleep, so I take naps, but my mind never shuts off, no matter how hard I try. That’s why when I was drinking and drugging a lot of it was to shut my mind off. It’s constantly going. I really love sleep, you know, I am not ready for the “big nap.” People say you have so much energy, I go, “Well yeah I do, but I burn out, you know.”

NINA: If you could invite stars, historic figures, celebrities (your choice!)  who would they be and what would you serve?

LENNY: Richard Petty. Elon Musk. Margaret Thatcher — she was just one of the most amazing women. The former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. I would serve lobster.

NINA: What would you say is your happiest memory?

LENNY: My happiest moment was when I filmed my first TV show, “Lenny,” on CBS. The fact that that I could actually do it, not only get this show, which is a million to one, and then it was on the air, which is like 10 million to one, and then the fact that I did it and I did a good job and people loved it, I was over the moon! I was walking on air!

This was in 1990. I was on billboards all across the country and [they had] Lenny lunch boxes. You know, everything that that could go right did go right, and then the first Gulf War broke out. And it was “ ‘Lenny’ will not be seen tonight, so we can bring you the war in the Gulf.” I lost that and got divorced and I went into a drunken drug and booze spiral. It took me years and years and years to come back from that.

NINA: What Netflix streaming/series got you through the pandemic last winter and which ones do you recommend this round?

LENNY: I can answer that in one word,  “You.” Oh, my God, it’s phenomenal. And I just found “Schitt’s Creek.” I’ve always loved Eugene Levy and Catherine O’Hara. The whole show is so perfectly cast, written, directed and I just love it. It is just so much fun. I can’t wait for “Dexter” to come back because “Dexter” was one of my favorite shows.

NINA: In all your comedy gigs, what is your favorite so far?

LENNY: It goes back to the “Boston Strong” show because it was my hometown, and it was being accepted and I was working in the Boston Garden. A kid from Cambridge in the Garden getting a standing ovation, that was pretty wild!

Another [favorite]: I was with my girlfriend — who was later my wife — and we were driving by the Hollywood Bowl, and she said, “What’s that?” And I said, “That’s the Hollywood Bowl. Someday I’ll take you there for a show.” She goes, “I only want to go there if you’re performing.” I said, “That seats 25,000 people I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

That afternoon Arsenio Hall calls and he says, “Lenny I’m doing the 1,000th episode of my show, and I want you to be part of it.” Then he tells me we’re doing it at the Hollywood Bowl. And I go, “Guess what baby! We’re going to the Hollywood Bowl!!”

NINA: If you could be anywhere in the world, where would it be?

LENNY: Aruba the weather is perfect every single day  — 88 degrees, gorgeous ocean, gambling, dinners, beaches, I mean, what more do you want?

 NINA: Picture it: You’re suddenly twenty years old, where would you be, and would you do anything differently?

LENNY: Yes EVERYTHING! I was having lunch with Denis Leary, and I said, “Denis would you do anything different with your life?” And he said, “Not one thing, how about you?” And I said, “Yeah everything goes!” And he said, “But if you did ‘everything,’ you might not be where you are.”  And I go, “Yeah, but I could be farther along and more successful than I am.”

I would have loved to have changed my drug and alcohol abuse. I would have I liked to have seen where I would have been without that. It did take a toll on me physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. I do regret it, but I don’t dwell on it, you know, I don’t live in the past. The rearview mirror in the car is so small, and the windshield is so big, let’s just keep looking forward. On March 8, I’ll be sober 25 years.

 

© Nina’s 9 2021