“Waiting for the Mail” at the Boston Moth StorySLAM

Nina Livingstone:

Okay, so in the year 2000, in one day, I lost my sight and hearing completely. I have a hereditary eye condition, sight and hearing condition called Usher’s syndrome and I lost my sight because of that, but my hearing loss on the same day for a different reason. I had what’s called an inner ear disorder Meniere’s, which causes vertigo, head noise, nausea and deafness. So, this blew me away. I was confined, because of the symptoms, confined to my bed day and night, day and night for a year and three months. I went out of my mind. It was unexpected. But in that time I was trying to think, what would I do? I couldn’t watch movies, I couldn’t use the phone, I couldn’t use the computer, I couldn’t do anything. And I missed reading the New York Times, the New Yorker, it was beyond me.

So, I thought, what are my options? So, I decided to teach myself braille and I was reading “To the Lighthouse” by Virginia Woolf. It took me six months, I don’t recommend it. And then the other option was waiting for the mail. Hey, it was exciting. I couldn’t see the mail, I couldn’t read it, but there were packages that came in the mail. I had a housemate, she would finger spell, “I’m going to work. See you at the end of the day.” I was by myself. I was alone all day. The mail would come, I would feel the vibration of the door and I was walking slow because I had vertigo and nausea. It wasn’t funny, but I would pick up the package and open it and I would see what it is. It would be, I open a box, it was laundry detergent. And I thought, I could smell it. Wow, it’s a sample. Sample box.

And a few days later I opened another package and again, I wasn’t eating that year at all. I was drinking Ensure, some horrible liquid protein to keep myself above water there, but I open the package and I shook it and it sounded like candy. I thought, well, maybe I can get my appetite back. I opened it and it was tampons. Not quite. So, my mail got very interesting and really amusing. And meanwhile, I was going to Mass Eye and Ear, many appointments in preparation for what might be a cochlear implant surgery, model two, which is experimental. So, I had a series of blood tests, hearing tests, psychological tests, CAT scan, you name it. And over the course of many months in between, I would still be there in my bedroom just wondering how to communicate. The finger spelling was the only communication, it was isolating.

After six, seven months of being at Mass Eye and Ear, they told me, you will get a letter in the mail and it would be two weeks, close to the end of the year and three months. I waited two weeks to get my mail. I was totally focused on it. I told my housemate, she said, “No, no, no, no mail.” She was finger spelling in my hand, no. And then one day, it was Saturday. I picked up a bunch of mail and I put it on my lap and I said, “Any mail for me?” I could talk, but I couldn’t hear anything. And she said, “Yeah.” I said, “What is it? Mass Eye and Ear.” She said, “One envelope from Mass Eye and Ear.” I said, “Oh my God. Oh my God.” I said, “Open it up!” I’ve been waiting a year and a half and she said, “No, because I’m watching an Alfred Hitchcock film. Can you come back in an hour?”

Oy vey, I almost lost my mind. One hour. Sure. So I picked up the envelope and I’m holding onto it, it was like gold because this was going to be my future. Yes or no. Am I in? Will I be accepted? Will I not? I paced back and forth in my room and I was amazed that I was actually walking around, I was sweating, and my heart was pounding, I was out of my mind, but I was coming out of my shell a little bit. I was forgetting that I had vertigo. After an hour, I walked up to her, gave her the envelope. I didn’t even bother to ask how the movie was and she said to me, she finger spelled, she said, “Okay. I’m opening the envelope.” And I’m like, “Hurry.” And she said, “It says, it says,” and I’m feeling her hand saying it, I’m just like, “Just say it.” “It says,” “Just say it!” She said, “You’re in.” I said, “Yeah!” And so March 2nd, 2001, at 11 o’clock, I had my cochlear implant surgery and I love mail.